One of the best things that can happen when embarking on any form of therapeutic work is the development of insight or awareness. This can be with behaviors, patterns, and a larger vocabulary to describe our internal landscapes. And, as many know who are already on this inward journey, gaining insight often takes time, sometimes months and even years. The benefits of gaining awareness or insight include learning to understand our triggers or the things that pull us out of equilibrium, learning why we find ourselves in similar situations (even when we know better), and gaining a greater capacity to make healthy choices for ourselves simply because we have access to more information.
Spoiler alert. Unfortunately, being in therapy and working towards insight and awareness is not all rainbows and unicorns. In fact, this is something that your therapist may have already discussed with you. Therapy is work, and it can often feel like things are getting worse before they actually get better. This can be a challenging reality, especially because we seek therapy in order to feel better, not worse! A part of this is due to the valuable but sometimes uncomfortable process which increases our awareness while also revealing things that are painful and yucky. Imagine learning about one form of history your entire life, then, all of a sudden, a whole new history is presented to you, one that previous to now, you have no idea about. Shock, disbelief, anger, and sadness are all common and normal responses to such a process.
So, what can you do about it? What can you do to regain a sense of agency and stability when your therapy journey starts to go deep toward insight and far out of your comfort zone? Here are a few helpful tips that I have found helpful along my own therapy journey.
See discomfort as a normal part of the process - Instead of seeing discomfort as a sign that things are getting worse, try and reframe it to say I am getting to know more about myself. We often aren’t taught how to be with or tolerate uncomfortable feelings. If these things come up for you during or after the session, take a step back and recognize you are doing big and important work, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Find ways to digest and process new information - There are many ways to process information creatively. Some of the best can be journaling, meditation, breathwork, creating art, calling a friend, and being in nature.
Create rituals to contain your session - Before I sit for personal therapy, I always light something that smells good, and do so again after my therapy session has ended. If you are getting into some deep water in therapy, explore ways to mark the start and end of a session so that the experience feels safe and contained. Light candles or incense, change your clothes after the session, wash your hands, or take a quick shower to reset. I even like to jump up and down to shake off whatever needs to be released when I have a particularly hard session to process.
Join a group to share your experience - It is 2023, so there is literally a group for everything! Taking your experience out of your individual therapy and into a group can be a beneficial way to connect to others who share and can relate with your experiences.
Trust the process - Yes, this sounds a little woo-woo, I get it. But here’s the deal - so much in life is really out of our control. When insights and information start to flood our system, trust in your own resilience to work with it. Sometimes getting our hands dirty can be the best kind of medicine. It can also be therapeutic to remember that we can do hard things, even when we don’t want to.
Compassion, compassion, compassion - It’s not always easy, but it’s effective. Compassion for yourself, for others, for the world. Science shows how practicing compassion can make us more resilient in handling challenging circumstances. Give it a try and see what happens!
Bring it to therapy - Sometimes we want to show up to therapy with only good news or progress we are making. Yet the reality is, sometimes we are overwhelmed, angry, or frustrated with the therapy process. Therapy is the perfect place to talk about these things! You don’t have to work through big stuff alone.
“Speaking from personal experience, gaining insight can be as painful as it is helpful. In learning to be more honest with ourselves about what was and what is, we can move forward in life with a greater sense of wholeness and purpose.” - Kimberly Brounstein