Tips to Build Resilience in the Aftermath

1. Talk About It: Don’t be afraid to ask for support from someone who cares, someone who will listen. You may also talk with others who have shared your experience. You might feel less alone. These conversations can be comforting and reassuring.

2. Strive For Balance: You might feel overwhelmingly negative after a tragedy. Try and balance this with thoughts, memories, and feelings about positive and safe events you’ve experienced and people you know. This helps balance your perspective.

3. Turn It Off And Take A Break: Take a break from the news and media sources about the event. It’s OK to stay informed, but give yourself breaks and schedule time to focus on things you enjoy. This will help you avoid being retriggered by reporting of the events.

4. Honor Your Feelings: It is completely normal to feel a wide range of feelings after a trauma. You may have physical and emotional stress reactions, like body pain and exhaustion, or a short temper, or spontaneous tears. This is normal. Allow yourself these feelings as long as you are staying safe. You are human. You are sensitive. These reactions are ways in which we process and express the pent-up feelings.

5. Take Care Of Yourself: Healthy behaviors are important, like eating well, getting rest, and adding some physical activity to each day. Avoid alcohol and drugs, as they may suppress feelings or intensify them in an unnatural way. Try and keep to a schedule and routine. Use relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, deep breathing to help with disturbed sleep.

6. Help Others Or Do Something Productive: You can serve in the community to help others who have been impacted by the incident, or who need other help. Serving others can be a welcome distraction that makes you feel better and more capable than you might think as you recover.

"Grief can be a long process, so give yourself time to find your own unique approach. Everyone is different. Some people stay home more often, some resume their routine right away. Expect ups and downs. You might feel “survivor guilt” – wondering why you survived and others did not. This is normal and can be difficult. Be kind to yourself as you grieve" - Richard LaBrie, PSY.D.

How to Cope With Valentine's Day Blues

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can bring up a range of emotions from feeling lonely, anxious, stressed, disappointed, or depressed. Here are 5 tips on how to cope:

1. Step Back and Zoom Out – There is so much societal pressure to be happy and in love on this one day every year. It’s easy to compare our situation and feel sorry for ourselves when our Instagram feeds are overflowing with “perfect” couples having champagne and chocolates. If you find yourself having negative thoughts come up of “why didn’t my partner do XYZ for me today?” or “Am I going to be single and alone forever” take a step back and ask yourself: will it matter tomorrow, in a week, or in a month whether or not you had a picture-perfect, romantic evening with a partner on this one night? What does how you spend this holiday actually say about you or your relationship?

2. Set Intentions, Not Expectations – Because there is so much societal pressure around Valentines Day, we all come in with a lot of unrealistic expectations. The problem with having expectations on yourself or your partner is that if those expectations are not met, it can be quite disappointing. Instead, let’s all set some intentions of how we want to show up for ourselves and/or our partners. Some intentions might be: “I really want to be present for my partner so I will put my phone away at dinner.” Or “I want to treat myself to my favorite coffee drink to make myself feel special.”

3. Set Boundaries – Once you have a clear idea on your intention, what are some boundaries you need to set for yourself so you can follow through on those intentions? Do you need to mute Instagram for the day? Are there certain people in your life that you need to communicate your boundaries to so you can enjoy your day?

4. Practice Gratitude – Often people look at the love they don’t have in their life on this day. Can you look around and acknowledge the love you already have? The love you have for your family, your friends, and yourself. Take a moment to send thanks to all the love, not just romantic love, in your life.

5. Send Love – What is one actionable thing you can do to make someone else feel loved on this day? Whether that be calling your mom, sending a friend flowers, writing a love note to your partner, or taking yourself out for a nice meal, everyone, including you, could use a little extra love on this holiday.

How Pelican Cove Makes Me a Better Therapist

COVID-19 laid bare the fragility of U.S. mental health. Fortunately, Pelican Cove shines light on a way out of this storm. The idea: long-term, quality, dignified care to those who traditionally lack access, by quality, well-trained, well-cared-for clinicians. This model has served me well as a therapist. Here’s how:

Supervision

In our two-hour group and 1-hour individual supervision sessions, we focus on one or two clients, building the skill of psychodynamic case conceptualization with a more holistic, person-centered approach to therapy.

• While we share common psychology, humans are unique, complex individuals with varying desires, neurology, family histories, cultural influences, and social locations that inform how we view ourselves, the world, and our place in it.

• This approach humanizes our clients, letting us see the person beyond their diagnosis.

• This vantage becomes a mirror to clients to see themselves as we see them, increasing self-compassion.

• This type of supervision is, unfortunately, rare. A client’s case may get only a few minutes of supervision at other sites. Overbooked, understaffed agencies are left focusing on emergencies and band-aid interventions for symptom relief. They do not often have time or resources to unearth and target underlying, systemic, complex processes contributing to clients’ suffering.

Community

• When I feel stuck or at an impasse in a client’s care, I reach out to a Pelican Cove alum to consult. This often creates a breakthrough in my client’s treatment, as the client and I have a deeper, fresh view of the client’s struggles, leading to new solutions.

• My clients at Pelican Cove were treated with much more dignity and respect than I’ve seen in other agencies. This created a buy-in to longer-term treatment, which has included clients referring family members and friends, helping entire family systems and communities.

• Many previous clients are still with Pelican Cove, years after I graduated. Others have followed me to other sites. The depth of our relationships is strong; their healing and progress are tangible and meaningful to them.

Therapist Care

Pelican Cove helped trained me to be a well-rounded therapist by:

• Providing weekly didactic trainings for the full phase of client treatment, from intakes to termination. My cohort members at other sites did not receive this level of depth or number of trainings.

• Ongoing work on setting boundaries and therapist self-care. Many therapists feel a calling to give back that draws us to this field. Unfortunately, this can lead to burnout without proper boundary setting. Boundary and therapist care work are weaved throughout our training and supervision, setting us up well in a field that often does not support this.

The Mission

While attending USC for my MFT degree, I concurrently completed a fellowship in community health. The Pelican Cove mission offers a model rarely seen in community health — one often acknowledged by other site directors and cohort members I visited as part of that fellowship. The private funding, sliding scale model helps solve some of our fields’ most entrenched issues: access to long-term, quality, dignified care, and proper, well-rounded, whole-person therapist training. As a Pelican Cove supervisor told me during my interview: “Once you learn this model and receive this training, you can take that as a foundation to any other agency. It will be there with you to draw from.” She was so right; I do so — often.

Preparing for the New Year

The end of the year can be a busy time filled with anxiety, grief, excitement, and everything in between! As the new year approaches, many look for a fresh start and ways they can improve themselves. When New Year’s resolutions are set, we sometimes find ourselves struggling to keep them. No matter what we choose to do in the New Year, it is important that self-care is sprinkled in there! Here are some helpful tips and practices to get you starting 2023 in an intentional way:

1. Set attainable goals: If you are planning on setting a New Year’s resolution make sure it is achievable. Set SMART goals! (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) Setting a goal like “feeling better” is setting yourself up for failure. What can you specifically do to feel better? How often can you do it? Is it something you are capable of doing? How much time do you think you need to reach this goal? Having a more specific goal like practicing a new coping skill for anxiety twice a day is definitely lighting a path to guide you in the New Year!

2. Practice gratitude: It is hard to ignore how difficult these past few years have been, but we can still find ways to feel grateful for all the good we still have. Practicing gratitude looks different for everyone, so do what works best for you. This should not feel dreary, but the intent is to lift the spirit and reframe those negative thoughts. You can keep a gratitude journal bedside and write a few things you are grateful for every morning and/or night. You can also practice gratitude through meditations or writing letters to those that you love.

3. Practice self-compassion: This is a big one, folks! Self-compassion is exactly what it sounds like: giving compassion and loving kindness to ourselves (in a way you may be used to giving others). Rather than discouraging and beating ourselves up, self-compassion is all about supporting and encouraging ourselves especially during a difficult challenge. Try writing a love letter and providing affirmations to yourself or giving yourself that physical and supportive touch you may need. My absolute favorite place to explore self-compassion exercises is https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

4. Make connections: Reach out to your loved ones in the new year. Go explore a new cafe with a friend you have been meaning to see. Try that new hike you have been meaning to go to with your partner. At the very least, give your loved ones a call. The pandemic caused so much disconnection, so find ways to reconnect and create more intentional and meaningful relationships this year!

5. Do what is best for you: This sounds easy but it can be a bit tricky when we are caught up in the busyness of our lives. Listen to your body and slow down when you need to. Take breaks when you get overwhelmed. Go to therapy. Be in nature. Be with loved ones. Not everyone has the same strategies when taking care of themselves. You might ask yourself: what am I missing right now that I need and value that could bring me joy or peace? Do your best to provide yourself with whatever that is.

We hope these tips help guide you in being more intentional about yourself and your relationships in the New Year!

Destigmatize Mental Health + Giving Tuesday

Let’s change the conversation being had around mental health. We have been raised in a culture that normalizes going to the doctor for a check-up or annual physical—even if we are not feeling sick. There are countless resources we can turn to in order to take proactive measures to protect our physical health. Why can’t we do the same for our mental health?

Our mental health can be thought about as our emotional, psychological, social well-being. It impacts how we feel and move in the world. Unfortunately, the stigma around mental health can serve as a barrier, preventing individuals from getting the help they need. Whether it is with a friend, family member, or co-worker, here are a few things we can keep in mind to help normalize mental health:

• Have warmth and compassion

• Be mindful of the language we use

• Educate ourselves

• Keep an open-mind

• Provide resources and tools

Stigma can have a harmful effect on individuals who are experiencing challenges related to their mental health. It may lead to a decreased sense of hope, difficulties in interpersonal relationships, and a reduced chance of seeking or staying with treatment. It is important to recognize the multitude of factors that influence the beliefs we learn as it relates to mental health. We should ask ourselves—how is mental health talked about, or not talked about in our families, friend groups, and at work? What scripts about mental illness does the media perpetuate? We live in a world where we are absorbing hundreds and thousands of messages—how does this influence the way we view ourselves and others?

At Pelican Cove, we believe that therapy should be accessible to everyone, while also recognizing the reality that there are systemic barriers in place preventing equitable access to mental health services. Our health is comprised of both our physical and mental well-being. We cannot talk about one without the other, as they both rely on each other to maintain a sense of stability and equilibrium.

This month on November 29, 2022, it is Giving Tuesday—a day that encourages people to do good. Take a moment to think about how your act of generosity could impact someone. Will you be the voice that reminds someone who may be struggling, “you are not alone.”?